My understanding of who Christ is came at one of the lowest points of my life. At the time, I was an addict struggling with divorce and a serious gambling problem, amongst other issues. A gentleman I sometimes worked with but didn’t know well asked me to pray for him. He had cataracts and glaucoma in both eyes and was scheduled for surgery the following Friday. I was reluctant and tried to refuse a few times! I wasn’t serving God, but believed in and feared Him—just not enough to do right. I suggested the man go to his pastor, mother, father, deacon, or priest—anybody but me. I told him I was a heathen and a nobody in the eyes of God. I definitely wasn’t righteous (“The prayers of the righteous availeth much.” James 5:16b), so I can’t help you. And I didn’t want to tick God off and accidentally die as a result. I believed it was a distinct possibility. If he killed Ananias and Sapphira, my chances didn’t look too good! (I did mention I believe in the power of God, right?)
”See, you know the word!”
“So do the demons and all of Creation. It’s God’s Word. That has nothing to do with me. I’m merely repeating what’s written.”
“God told me to ask you for prayer. Would you deny me something that’s free to you? Would you directly defy God, the God I know you believe in, regardless of how you act or what you say?”
“God, please forgive me for coming to you like this. I know I’m unworthy. But he said You said I should pray for him. Please don’t kill or punish me for coming to You in such a state.” I prayed for the man, not without trepidation—I was fully aware of my sinful state.
“God can do anything He wills, but don’t expect any miracles,” I said.
We met again Wednesday of the same week. Both eyes were clear. He informed me his cataracts were gone, his vision was 20/20, and he no longer needed surgery. I fell to the gravel, immediately stunned beyond belief! I began to pray, asking God, “What just happened, how, and why?”
“Most Faithful is My Name. I'll be faithful unto you, even though you haven’t been faithful unto Me”
“I don’t understand. I’m nothing, wretched, a heathen, an addict, unworthy, violent, sinful.”
Hot tears flowed as the long list of everything I was and wasn’t grew longer. At the same time I felt an outpouring of love and acceptance.
”You don’t need to understand. That's what I’m for. I just need you to say yes. Will you go where I say go, speak when I say speak, and say what I tell you to say?”
“Yes.”
”I'll work out the rest.”
I understood then that Christ actually loved me for real. And I had to let go of my understanding in order to say yes and allow Christ to be God in my life. I was also reminded there is no depth that Christ’s love can’t reach to save, heal, and restore.
