There’s a hymn I grew up singing that begins, “Take up thy cross and follow me, I heard my Master say…” It has always been special to me, partly because its title matches that of a story my grandma wrote about discerning how her future with my grandpa intersected with God’s call on her life. To leave seminary and change the shape of her missionary dreams was a choice she made without knowing the future, but knowing who held it, she stepped forward in faith. Every day each of us makes choices to step out in faith. Some days, they’re small steps; some days we leap – or tumble. Jesus shouldered His cross with the full knowledge of where the path on which He carried it would lead Him. We hear from His own words that it wasn’t easy. Yet, Jesus also picked up His cross with the full knowledge of where His having walked that path can lead us.
On January 22, 1999, I got married and immediately moved to the other side of the world. We had no idea what was ahead, but isn’t that often true? We traveled the world together for nearly 10 years until Bruce was abruptly diagnosed with cancer in June 2008, and then we began a different sort of adventure—one that involved surgeries, treatments, side-effects, struggles-–and also smiles, connection…and change. So. Much. Change. In March 2010 came the biggest change of all. Bruce died, and I had a new path to follow without him. I distinctly remember telling God, “This is not who I want to be. I don’t want this future.” But that was the path available. So, I stepped. Many of those steps were pretty tentative. The vast majority of them were taken with a great deal of external support. Very few were taken with a view to the future. But the thing is, that’s where they led. A future now present, where I’ve been able to embrace new love with Larry with a focus on inherent joy, rather than potential pain. A present where I am able to walk alongside others as they hoist their own crosses. A present where I am able to consider the way of the cross not simply as a burden to be borne but as a complex relationship between sorrow, consolation, community, compassion, support, tears, and joy.
If we think of Jesus taking up His cross, here is the picture we see: He was born, lived, guided, and taught, all the while knowing He would be our sacrifice. And as that time grew near, He expressed His desire for a different path, then followed the one God set out for Him. Along the way, He shouldered the burden, not just of the physical cross, but also of our sins. But don’t forget, He bore this burden in a communal context. When Jesus walked that path, it was uneven and crooked. He did so with the pain brought about by unbelief, scoffers, and haters. But He also did so with the presence of supporters, helpers, and always…God.
It’s probably a good thing we don’t make decisions knowing everything the future holds. Our fear would likely hold us back from the beauty of the journey. Thankfully, God walks it all ahead of us. Let us follow.
